Legally Drunk
by Miru88
Summary: Its Squall's 21's bday. The gang trys to throw a party for him. R&R! on Hiatus do to the odd writing style it started off in. Will probably no longer be completed.
1. Part I

Hi all you brave people out there. Im kinda surprised you actually wanted to read this fic. Its kinda messed up, but then again it comes from the brains of De_Vampire_Angelique, and myself. We do not own Final Fantasy 8. Well we do kinda, we have the game and the strategy guide, but we dun own the characters. The idea for the fic, however comes from our pure genius.  
  
De_Vampire_Angelique: Genius? What the hell? Oh, you're talking about me! oh okay then.  
Miru88: ....I was talking about me. My genius surpasses your genius!!  
De_Vampire_Angelique: uhhh huuhh....yeah.....suuuure dude. You didn't say that before when I helped you on that test.....*snickers*  
Miru88: ...*shifty eyes* What test? I don't remember a test! Anyway on to the story!  
  


Legally Drunk  
A Fic by the talented minds of: De_vampire_Angelique and Miru88  
  


Okay guys! We gotta plan this out and it has to be good! Rinoa said in excitement. Hey Rinoa, you're so lucky that Zell is keeping Squall occupied! Selphie exclaimed. Irvine had a slightly concerned look on his face. Um Selphie? I think she should be worried not lucky. With those words, Irvine's back, (which mind you, was badly sun burnt) had been greeted by Selphie's hand. While slapping his back she said, Oh Irvy-poo! Don't say such things! Irvine's reaction, however was, OWWWCH!!! Selphie!! My sunburn!  
While Irvine and Selphie were discussing the importance of the situation, Rinoa and Quistis were planning the party for Squall. Selphie? Irvine? Can you do me a favor? Rinoa asked. Sure what is it? they both replied in unison. Quistis answered for Rinoa, We need you to go out and get a present for Squall. - and it would be really nice if you could bring one surprise each! Nothing too big though, okay? added Rinoa.  
Everyone turned to Irvine. he asked. Rinoa gave him a slight worried smile, Irvine? Can you make sure your gift is ... well practical? Just as he was about answer her, Selphie pulls him away. We'll be right back! C'mon Irvy-poo!   


  
Meanwhile...in the cafeteria...  
  


Mmm MAN WHAT DID THEY DO TO THE HOT DOGS?  
... ...Zell can you not scream?  
But Squall! These hot dogs are just awesome! I mean for the first time in who knows how long, I finally got to eat one!  
Squall just shakes his head while attempting to take a bite of his hot dog.   
Hey, Squall?  
  
Are you going to eat that?  
  
Fine then! I'll just go and get another one! he shouts, getting up from his chair and walking towards the lunch lady. As Squall takes his first bite he hears Zell shouting. WHAT! HOW CAN YOU BE ALL OUT OF HOT DOGS ALREADY!? I JUST GOT ONE THREE MINUTES AGO! Zell walks back to the table that he and Squall were sitting at. Can you believe that Squall? They are all out!  
  


And at the mall...  


  
Oh Irvy? What are you going to get Squall?  
Dunno. Maybe a magazine...or two.  
Its his Birthday! He's going to be twenty-one!  
That's why I'm getting him a magazine.  
But magazines are for kids and teenagers. Well, except for Bride' and those home maker magazines, but you cant get him that!  
oohhh no! Im not getting him THAT type of magazine.  
Selphie suspiciously glares at Irvine, wondering what he has planned. Uh, Selphie? Can I go look around for Squall's   
Okay, but meet me back here in an hour!  
says Irvine while running to the local book store.  
  


To the Ball Room!  
  


Quistis? Do you think we can pull this off?  
Yeah! All we need is the decorations, which I have right here!  
I hope Zell can hold Squall off...  
Im sure he can Rinoa she says while shoving some party favors in Rinoa's face.  
Uh, Quistis?  
  
How do I look? Rinoa asks with a little party hat on.  
...maybe we shouldn't use the party hats.  
Can you imagine what Irvine could do to these?  
Or Zell for that matter.  
They both laughed hysterically.  
Remember that time when we had that really fun party for YOUR birthday Quistis?  
...you had to remind me??  
  


Back at the Cafeteria...  
  


C'mon Squall! One piece! One little piece! begs Zell while drooling on the table. Of course, this only encourages Squall. Zell watches Squall take his time eating the last piece of the hot dog. Nooooooooooo!!! How could you do that?! he sobs.   
Im gonna go get another one Zell.  
But they are all out!  
Ignoring Zell, Squall gets up and asks the lunch lady for another hot dog. Surprisingly, Squall returns with a hot dog. Immediately, Zell runs up to the counter.  
DAMNIT! WHY?! NOOO! THERE HAS TO BE ONE LEFT SOMEWHERE!  
  


What surprises lay ahead of us at the bookstore...  


  
Hot damn! Irvine says while turning the pages of his new found magazine. His eyes grow wide as he finds one picture. HOLY KUKAMNGA! What an interesting article on Marine Biology! he says while turning the corner to get to the register.  
Marine biology! Oooh gime I wanna see! exclaimed Selphie.  
Uh no. No did I say marine biology' I meant supreme democracy'!  
Um, Irvy? You did say marine biology'. she says snatching the magazine away from him. She takes one look at the article and says, Irvy? Breast implants don't count as marine biology. She sighs and asks Are you really going to buy him that magazine?  
Well, he is going to be twenty-one.  
Okay fine, but get him something else too. Something, that is a little more decent.  
Irvine says while trying to sneak another magazine with him.  
No no no! You cant look at these dirty things Irvy-poo. They are going to ruin your brain.  
  


Decoration Master or Disaster...  
  


Uh, Quistis? Can you make your streamers a little nicer?  
They are nice!  
Well, I mean Squall isn't turning four...if you know what I mean.  
Excuse me?!  
You're excused. Can you please do the table decorations?  
ugh fine! she says in disgust.  
While Quistis lays out the table decorations Rinoa attempts to fix the streamers. Hey! I was doing that! Quistis yells and throws a streamer at Rinoa.  
What was that for?! Rinoa says while glaring back.  
  


Hot Dogs For Everyone but Zell...  


  
After half an hour of watching Squall devour a delicious hot dog Zell is this much closer to finally cracking. mmmm it tastes so good! Squall says just to push Zell to his limit.  
AHHH THAT'S IT! I WANT A HOT DOG AND I WANT IT NOW!  
  
  
Will Zell ever get his precious hot dog from the evil grasps of the cafeteria lady? Will Squall succeed in getting the nice men in white coats to take Zell away? Will Irvine get to smuggle his own magazine out of the book store? Will Selphie find a decent article on Marine Biology? Will Rinoa fix Quistis's empire of messy streamers and will Quistis successfully beam Rinoa in the head with a roll of streamers before Rinoa fixes her empire of messy streamers? Nooooobody knows!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Miru88: So how did you like that?   
De_Vampire_Angelique: Will Seifer ever get rid of his fear of poultry? *pssst* That means chickens!  
Miru88: ...we didn't even mention Seifer!  
De_Vampire_Angelique: really?  
Miru88: yeah.  
De_Vampire_Angelique: Well you know what? Noooobody Knows!  
Miru88: *whacks De_Vampire_Angelique on the head with a Frying pan* And will De_Vampire_Angelique ever revive from her concussion?  
De_Vampire_Angelique: @.@ nooooOOooooObOoooDyyy KnooowS!  
review for us! ^-^


	2. PART II

Hi everyone! Okay sorry for the looong wait. We, De_Vampire_Angelique and Miru88 do not own Final Fantasy VIII.   
  
Miru88: Well we do.....we have the game...  
De_Vampire_Angelique: Yeah, but what we mean is that we don't own the characters.....but I claim Zell! HE'S MINE!!!  
Miru88: *sweat drop* um...she means that she likes him.oO;  
De_Vampire_Angelique: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I loooooove him!!  
Miru88: ...yeah...we know.  
De_Vampire_Angelique: Well you love Squall...  
Miru88: ...yeah...lots of people do...anyway...there are yet once again hints of pornography in here no details. Its just Irvine....ew  
De_Vampire_Angelique: And there is ....I guess maybe some offence to Quistis...  
  
Well anyway we own the plot of the fic and are ready to sue if anyone steals it!! MUAHAHA!  
  
We left off in this interesting story when Zell could not get a hot dog from the cafeteria lady. Yes, it seems that the blond haired tattooed boy could not get a second serving of hotdogs....but that's not where we are going to start off part II...no....sorry...if that's what you were expecting you were wrong....  
  
  


Legally Drunk Part II  
A Fic by the talented minds of: De_vampire_Angelique and Miru88  


  


Coming of age....the magazine...  
  


I cant believe you got him that magazine! Selphie snickered.  
He is going to be 21. Its a coming of age gift! said Irvine chuckling. Selphie too deep in her hysterics slapped Irvine on the back and forgot about his sunburn. OH IRVY! You sooooo silly!! tee hee! *Screaming can be heard in the background*  
  


WWF Smack Down in the Ball Room..  
  


Aaaaaah!!!! TAKE THIS! yelled Quistis while putting Rinoa in a headlock. Rinoa was gagging, but was able to flip Quistis over. she said out loud, full of confidence...then got hit in the face with a roll of blue streamer. Both of the girls flipped their own table and began launching random fluffy objects at each other.  
WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?! Rinoa shouted.  
  
SQUALL IS MINE AND HE'LL NEVER BE YOURS! HA HA!  
I can't belive...Quistis looked down for a moment, YOU JUST SAID THAT!! TAKE THAT BACK!! HOW CAN YOU PROVE THAT?!?!?!?!  
Cause he LOOOOOOOOOOVES ME!   
Quistis was about to retort when she stopped herself suddenly, ...wait....THATS NOT PROOF!!!  
Then what's this, huh?? Rinoa gloated while waving squalls ring in the air.  
YOU MADE A COPY!! YOU COULD HAVE STOLLEN IT FROM HIM AND MADE A DAMN COPY!  
well....WELL I'VE HAD MORE INTIMATE' MOMENTS WITH HIM!  
Quistis's eyes widened, LIKE WHAT!?  
Rinoa blushed, ..we were at the beach...and well I had lots of fun, if you know what I mean. she giggled/  
Quistis got out of her hiding spot behind the table and sat nest to Rinoa, Really? Do tell!!  
Okay! Well...hehe...we..  
  


Return of the man with Poltraphobia (fear of chickens in our language)  


  
Hey, Chicken-wuss. Shut up! Seifer said eating a hot dog.  
For the millionth time!! DON'T CALL ME Ch- WAIT! How did you get a hot dog???!  
Fujin and Raijin are getting them for me.  
You're groupies are getting you hot-dogs? he mumbled in a softer voice, I thought we killed them....twice...  
What was that? barked Raijin.  
Zell grinned. he coughed.  
Fujin glared at him and put her hand to his throat, ready to squeeze his life away.  
EEEEEE!!!! SQUALL!!!! Zell's voice squeaked.  
Im trying to eat my hot dog...in peace. Squall attempts to walk off in the other direction but Zell grabs him.   
  
  


Still...at the mall...  
  


OH YAY! MUSIC STORE! Selphie exclaimed.  
M-m..music? You think they have any videos here Selphie? Irvine said grinning.  
..videos?? ...um....Oh yeah...down there. She pointed to an section of the store that was not too far away.  
hehe....this'll be better than the magazine..  
  


The Tales of Rinoa and her romantic adventures with Squall..  
  


And then we had this date. It was so romantic! I mean... Rinoa sighed. Oh god! Look what time it its! We have to clean up and get everything together!!  
Darn...I wanted to hear all the details....its not fair!  
The door to the room booms open and Irvine and Selphie appear.   
Oh...hi guys! Rinoa greeted both of them.  
What did you get Squall? questioned Quistis.  
Ohhh yeah well....I decided to get him a game. I mean we were at the music store and it was the coolest thing cause I found a game section.  
...and what game did you get him? said Rinoa curiously.  
Oh...Final Fantasy VII! Yeah...its pretty cool.  
What about you Irvine? asked Quistis.  
...a comming of age gift...and article on marine biology and a Happy Birthday video...  
Oooohhhh a Happy Birthday video??? We should watch it! Rinoa beamed.  
Yeah! Thats a good idea! Selphie squealed.  
....um....no...no no one but Squall can watch it. Irvine said cautiously.  
...yeah...guys I think Irvine is right...we dont want to watch this. Quistis said taking a look at the video case.   
Irvy....Im disapointed in you....I mean you already got him the magazine. Selphie sighed.  
m-magazine? IRVINE HOW DARE YOU! SQUALL DOESNT NEED TO LOOK AT SOME PORNO MAGAZINE OR VIDEO! HE HAS ME!  
Irvine sighed... and what if you arent enough?  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN what if I'm not enough?' OF COURSE IM ENOUGH! I MEAN I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS IF I WANTED!  
Ooh really? Prove it!  
Everyone gasps.  
IRVY! HOW COULD YOU! Selphie slaps him on his sunburn again.   
  
AND HOW DID YOU GET THAT SUNBURN ANYWAY!?  
I was at the beach with Quistis!!!  
Everyone gasps again!  
IRVY YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT TELL!!! Quistis bursts out.  
Oops...I mean well...I was at the beach with some one who looks a lot like Quistis!...yeah  
Selphie slaps him again and knees him where it hurts. YOU PlAYER! AND YOU! She turns to Quistis. YOU LITTLE WHORE! Selphie slaps Quistis across the face.  
OW! WHAT wAs THAT FOR!? I MEAN I ONLY WENT CAUSE HE SAID THAT HE NEEDED HELP PICKING A BATHING SUIT FOR YOU!  
  
Irvine and Rinoa slowly back away from the two quarreling women.  
So.....would you like to prove it to me now? Irvine says slyly.  
...youre an ass. Rinoa glares and slaps him, But I'll prove it. she says seriously.  
WHAT!? REALLY?! he exclaims and gains the attention of Selphie and Quistis.  
Im going to get Squall right now...do you guys have the timer?  
I'll keep him away for as long as ....three hours. I dont wanna ware myself out hehe.  
Everyone gasps yet again.  
  


In the Cafeteria...  
  


Noooooooooooo HELP ME! HELP ME! SQUALL! Zell pleads in a squeaky raspy voice while clutching on to Squall's jacket.  
  
  
  
  
Hes really pathetic ya know?  
...chicken wuss is an idiot.  
Guys let him go...he sounds constipated.  
I--do-not sound-ugh CONSTIPATED! Zell potested.  
Fujin let him go and Raijin and Seifer laughed their asses off while walking away to get more hot dogs.  
  
Will Selphie ever get the story straight between Quistis and Irvine? Will Quistis ever get to tell the story to Selphie? Will Irvine ever get his proof? Will Zell ...once again ever get his hot dog? Will Rinoa be able to keep Squall away for three hours? Will...well we know Squall would enjoy it so it doesnt matter. - -  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N:   
  
Miru88: So how was it? Theres gonna be a part 3 if we get more reviews.  
De_Vampire_Angelique: Yup Yup Yup! More reviews!  
Miru88 & De_Vampire_Angelique:  
  
  
We would like to thank the following people for reveiwing this fic...  
Hiasha: Thank you so much. We are very sorry you had to wait so long for this to come out. You were our first reviewer and we hope you continue to review.  
HappyD: Sup? We thank you too!  
blackmage718: Thank you for you review and we are sorry it took this long to update!  
RadicalEdward: Yep...so Rinoa did get pissed off in the end...oO;  
  



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